I decided that it was finally that time to take that leap of faith and devote myself to this one person that needed me the most and I realized that I needed them too. I had neglected them for far too long and was so tired of the back and forth, that it was only right to commit. Commit in a way that I would accept all of the flaws, the baggage, and uncertainty’s that came along with this unforeseen journey. I had no other choice… this is what felt right and this is what I had to do to be fulfilled.
For years, I had found myself kissing so many frogs, looking for this prince… this being, this someone to answer all of my prayers! I closed so many chapters, but this one chapter I could not deny and could not resist. For I knew I needed to plant my seeds, water this seed, and I needed to watch it grow. I didn’t want to put fertilizer on it, but I just wanted the Sun to shine upon this and watch it flourish and grow into this amazing thing. I couldn’t take the sleepless nights worrying about things left unsaid with this person or that person. I needed to nurture what felt like home, what felt familiar to me.
I grew tired of this pattern that I continued to play out in relationships. I would get close and pull back. They would get close and pull back. It was just tug of war for numerous years. But this one person was pulling at my heart strings, begging me to take them in, begging me for a warm embrace. I could do nothing but to succumb to this agony and pain. I gravitated towards it. I tried to silence it’s cry. I tried to ignore it! Until one day I looked in the mirror and told myself “I’m officially off the market. I am in a relationship with you Brittani Walker. You are who I want to be with. You are who I want to heal and nurture. You are who I want to plant my seed and water. You matter!”
Everyday I looked left, right, and behind me… knowing all along that my future was right in front of me. The girl, excuse me, the woman that you have neglected for so long, needs you now! I couldn’t turn my back on her. All the people she has been there for over the years, she needed to be there for herself for once. That day when I realized what I needed for myself, I couldn’t turn away and I couldn’t reject the happiness that I felt inside, that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I could feel my energy replenish in a way that I’d never felt before. Although, life can be hard… it’s my life and it’s what I make of it. Not you, him, or that fucked up relationship. It’s ME! I CHOOSE ME… FOR ONCE!
This is the beginning of Happy… my Happy!
This is a safe, fun, and nonjudgmental space… use it for those purposes! But until next time peeps continue to be CONFIDENTLY AWKWARD… UNAPOLOGETICALLY that is!!!
Yes girl you Growing And learning each day I’m proud you 💗 💓 Keep continuing to shine and keep moving forward.
Thanks boo, I appreciate it!💕
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