He Told the Truth, I Couldn’t Handle It!

As I laid down to write this blog. I kept changing the title over and over again. Titles in my head ranging from, “Please, Lie To Me” to “I didn’t Want To know The Truth!” Toxic, right?! Hell yeah! I continued to question myself, like damn girl are you that messed up in the head? This man came to you with the truth, knowing all of your sorrows and pains from the last situations you dealt with. This was the least he could do, so why condemn that man? My Confidently Awkward Peeps, I come to you baring my soul. I come to you, fresh off of my ego being somewhat cracked. I come to you with growing pains. A pain that I was grateful for but never had experienced in my life, and I appreciated it. I know I’m leaving you wondering about what happened, but I’m getting there. I just have to express all the angst and confusion that I am feeling in this moment. A feeling of embarrassment. A feeling of why wasn’t it me? A feeling of contentment. I’ll just say, come take a walk with me on this one and I hope you learn something along the way.

I hadn’t heard from him for about three weeks and life went on as planned. I didn’t want to stop whatever was going on in my life for someone who was “doing him” so I “did me”! But of course like clockwork, I get a text asking how I’ve been (the usual small talk, before the “come over”). I knew what was up and I obliged him on this one. I hadn’t seen him in a minute and I so happened to be free. I get to his house and we start catching up on life and how one another had been doing these past few weeks. But something inside of me, knew something else was up, then he got straight to the point and let me know that he needed to tell me something. He told me that he was seeing someone else and it could possibly become serious. In that moment, I didn’t know what to say. All I could do was listen and hear him out. I passed no judgement on him, but if anything tried my hardest to be understanding. I asked questions and I got honest responses back. I thanked him over and over again for telling me about this because he could have lied to me and strung me along. But I’m not going to lie you guys, my ego was hurt. I could feel my heart sinking into my chest, but didn’t want to show it. This man already knew my mannerisms and could see the disdain on my face.

I laid there and began to internalize everything. Like damn “what was it about her?” And of course he answered that. “Where did you meet her?” Of course he answered that as well. I threw my little petty comments out there, he caught them, but didn’t throw anything back. After a few minutes and moments, I just told him, from a woman’s point of view, he should nurture that situation, actually see if it could turn into something. He gave the normal guy response while being neutral, “We aren’t together, I’m still single, and doing my thing, but we don’t know what God has planned.” I took all that with a grain of salt because it sounded good in the moment, but we all know how that shit goes!

I could feel my insides turning, I knew this would probably be the last time I saw this man in this capacity. I laid in his arms for a few minutes, cuddling and getting the last few moments in that I could. The time that I got to know him, I would cherish. He taught me some things and likewise. When I released from his embrace. I felt kind of numb and confused. But to be honest Peeps, I was doing me too. I was talking to other people and trying to figure out my own shit. But this one was a little different… he was a creative, wrote a few books, film, videography, you name it, he did it. It’s what made me gravitate towards him every second we hung out together. Our energy was indescribable at times. It was a vibe when we hung out… I could truly be myself!

When I got home. I tried to gather my thoughts, I tried to act like I wasn’t bothered, but I was far from it. The emotions started to set in. I began to think irrationally. I had to call my friends to vent so that I wouldn’t do something that I’d regret (blocking him or deleting him on all platforms). And now Peeps, you are catching me a few days later, raw and unfiltered. I honestly didn’t know if I should write this because this shit is painful at times. I continuously learn and grown from these situations, but have become tired and weary from the process. All of my interactions with people just come organically. I reciprocate energy. I give my time and part of my heart. It can be too much; overwhelming. But yet here I am again, the hopeless romantic that you all have grown to love, at least I hope.

All in all. I wish this man well. He’s a dope ass person and I was blessed to be in his presence. He dropped some gems that I will never forget. He encouraged me to push myself and to find balance. And balance I shall find! Ladies if you ever find yourself in a situation where a man is being upfront and honest with you about a situation, don’t flip out on him. Listen, show respect, tell him thank you! The conversation may be awkward, but try and let it be CONFIDENTLY AWKWARD at least! We need more of these conversations. Let’s turn the tide and be better than those before us. Let’s ALL shift the narrative. Let’s push healthy friendships, relationships, situationships, all the ships that you can think of! I mean take it from me. I’ve gone through it and I’m sure I will continue to GROW through it! Let this blog guide you and show you that you are not alone and I am right there with you.

This is a safe, fun, and nonjudgmental space… use it for those purposes! LIKE, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE! But until next time Peeps continue to be CONFIDENTLY AWKWARD… UNAPOLOGETICALLY that is!!!