A Letter from My Lady Friend

Hey Girl Hey,

It’s been 1 month to the day since we’ve seen any action and it’s getting pretty lonely down here.  What do you have to say for yourself?  And don’t give me the old… “Oh I’m trying to find my soulmate, I’m trying not to increase my number, or the common I’m trying to be celibate for the rest of the year!”  All of that is BS!!!  We need some action!  The longest you have ever gone without making any type of noise has been about a good 2 months and that was pushing it.  I don’t mean to come off insensitive, but I’ve had enough.  I’m really happy that you are making strides out here in the dating world, but thats not going to cut it.  You go out on these dates knowing damn well you want it and they want it, but you put yourself through all this torture, for what?!  Because the last man hurt you and got you all in your feelings?  We have needs and you need to get your shit together or else we will be closed for business indefinitely.  This is not a threat, more so a warning and honestly a cry for help.

Miss thing you cannot keep on going on these dates expecting to find your husband… why not be satisfied for a quick 5 minutes, maybe 10, or if it’s a good night, 20 minutes.  What do you humans say up there?!  YOLO!  That’s right.  Let me breath, give me some air.  I’m tired of the lonely nights wondering if you are going to find something on your phone or not, or just throw your hands up and call it a night because you waited until midnight to actually find something decent on that website that could actually make me… well you know the rest.  This is an SOS, can you please get this done sooner or later.  I’m dying down here.  It would be greatly appreciated love!

 

-xoxo Your Lady Friend!

Hey Lady Friend,

Long time no talk.  I got your message and I am very disappointed in your loyalty to me.  I’ve given you years of satifaction, intimacy, and love.  And this is how you treat me?!  Don’t you understand the state of the world right now, don’t you understand that I just had to let that fuckboy go?  This whole thing about, “it’s getting dry down there” is not my problem anymore.  I’m focused on self growth and actually caring about what is in and around my body.  Although your request is not hard to obtain, it’s not where I’m at mentally.  If I want to go out on dates and nothing happens later, that is my damn right!!!  I’m sorry for getting upset, trust me, I hear you LOUD AND CLEAR.  We all have our vices and you my friend happen to be one of them.  But you need to be quiet for a little while longer… this will be handled in due time.

The things that you want and are requesting are very problematic for me at this time.  You will see in the end that this will benefit both of us and save us from an unecessary headache aka a fuckboy.  We have no time for that.  We need to continue to be confidently awkward and live in our truth.  Even though our truth right now is that we are pumping the breaks on all parts related to men.  One day you will understand little grasshopper.  We’ve been down this road before and we must take an alternate route.  Trust me there will be obstacles or little birds speaking to us in a way that makes us melt right into their little hands, but we must rise above it and press on!  Temptation may be upon us in the next few day, but girl we got this… I got you, you are in good hands!  Now be quiet tonight and let my ass get some sleep for once.  Love ya!

-xoxo Ya Girl!

This is a safe, fun, and nonjudgmental space… use it for those purposes!

But until next time peeps continue to be CONFIDENTLY AWKWARD… UNAPOLOGETICALLY that is!!!

52 thoughts on “A Letter from My Lady Friend”

  1. This Brit! Thank you for posting this for us girls who are eh hem, lonely these days. If my lady friend spoke to me I’m sure she’d sound like this too. So clever, love it!

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