He Wanted Me, But I Wanted Someone Else

Hey Ladies, have you been in a situation where the guy you actually wanted to be with, didn’t want to be with you? But there’s another guy that actively wants to pursue you and be with you, but you actively are not feeling it? Yeah that happened to me. Come take a ride with me. It’s time to “Drake and Drive!”

So let me just tell you about the guy that I wanted. He has all the characteristics and mannerisms that would make anyone in their right mind fall in love with him. His style, his grace, and those deep brown eyes that I catch at times staring into my soul. It’s like he can unravel every part of me with just one look. Sorry I just went on a little bit of a tangent, but I wanted you to get the gist of what this man does to me on a regular. I think he might know all of this, but I’m not in the business of stroking ones ego in that way! But needless to say, he doesn’t want to be with me. And yes that’s the most dramatic way to put it, but at this point that’s how I see it and how it is. As I’m writing this I want to write and give all these expectations and hopes for this person, but I’ve learned in my thirty years of living that it’s best to not have any expectations at all.

In the midst of me being smitten by this man another man came into my life and let’s just say we didn’t have the best interaction with one another from the jump. He’s younger than me, has this wet behind the ears mentality, and at times, gives me a run for my money. Our first interaction, he came off real strong. The compliments rolled right off of his tongue. I was attracted to him, but found that his age was starting to show and needless to say he still had some loose ends to tie up. Nonetheless we continued to text each other. I kept bluffing him on numerous occasions, but he kept applying pressure and then finally I gave in and accepted his request for a date. I was pessimistic about the whole situation but wanted to give this guy a chance and through that whole process, I had to self reflect on my pattern of dating.

I talked to my girlfriends about it and they reiterated that I should give this guy a chance. I explained that although this guy was pursuing me, my mind was on the guy that didn’t want me. My girls literally had to put my head on straight and give it to me straight no chaser. FORGET ABOUT THIS OTHER GUY AND GIVE THIS GUY A CHANCE! I mean they were right about it all. I never truly had a guy ask me out on a date. I had been dealing with all these fuckboys that were so hung up on titles and stratteling the fence with me, that I thought that shit was normal. The interaction with this guy should have been something positive to me. I was upset with myself for being so rude and bluffing him so many times. For all I knew, this guy could be a blessing and maybe the one.

So we went on our date and things ended up being better than I thought it could be. He was such a gentleman, he gave me so many compliments, and the little touches he gave around my waist made the evening even more magical. I’m like “please don’t fuck this up. I’m starting to really like you!” He told me all his goals and ambitions and it was like he was telling me everything that I wanted to hear, but he was actively taking the steps to do so. We went our separate ways and continued to text about the night and how we were somewhat nervous. We went over what things we liked about each other and when we were going to set up the next date. Does it all sound too good to be true peeps? Yeah just a little bit right?!

After that one date y’all it was over as fast as it began. One thing that I want to stress to both men and women is that when you create a boundary, you have to respect that boundary that was created by that person. If they don’t feel comfortable talking about a certain topic or sending certain things, respect it and move on. The guy that wanted me, his true colors started to come out and he was “love bombing me.” It was like he was already claiming me and we hadn’t even known each other that long and before you knew it he was “breaking up with me.” I can’t take my peace being disturbed or interrupted by unnecessary drama, it’s just not for me anymore. I’m willing to give someone a chance but it’s not going to cost me more than what I could gain.

Some thing that people need to realize is that you could be the most attractive person to me, but if your inside is ugly, you instantly become that to me and that’s what happened in this situation. I was taken aback by the misunderstandings and lack of empathy. I really was trying to be on the same page and get to know this person, but once again it failed. I try my hardest not to internalize these situations, but sometimes they really get to me and has me questioning everything. Questioning how I grew up, every person that I’ve dated, and even my morals and values. Trust me, I self reflect on the daily!

I’ve done a hell of a lot of reflection on this situation and let’s just say, the one that doesn’t want to be with me… I’ve decided to just let that go. It’s pointless. I’ve actively decided to set boundaries, even though we’ve already crossed some boundaries, but hey… you live and you learn! The guy that wants me, who knows what will happen with that. Even though our interaction ended the way it did, doesn’t mean that we could possibly patch things up. You just never know and that’s the optimist in me. Although it would be nice to have a boyfriend, I will not and am not just going to have anyone’s energy around me or in my space. I don’t have the time or the patience. I’ll continue to live my life unapologetically with a few boundaries peeps!

I hope you all had a good time with me today, “Drakin and Drivin.” I’m sure it made for one hell of a night!

This is a safe, fun, and nonjudgmental space… use it for those purposes! LIKE, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE! But until next time Peeps continue to be CONFIDENTLY AWKWARD… UNAPOLOGETICALLY that is!!!