So as of late, those last few contacts in my phone have slowly diminished and now I am left to deal with myself. I won’t say how long it’s been, but it’s been long enough to the point I have declared my celibacy. Now I know this may be a little dramatic, but I have slowly been embracing this new title. Could it be out of desperation? Could it be a new me? Or, could it be a realization that no one deserves this cookie and I am going to wait until I’m in a relationship? Honestly, it’s the latter! I’m over pointless sex and giving myself to those that don’t deserve me. Anybody else with me?! I’m hoping that I got one yes in the crowd. It wasn’t too difficult coming to this conclusion, but it’s the part of accepting what is. I’m taking the positive that comes with this new found me and am going to roll with the punches. I don’t know how long this will go for, but I’m hoping until that special person comes along that is ready to date and be monogamous.
I know my Confidently Awkward Peeps are judging me and are like ‘girl, every other blog you are talking about a man’, ‘you know you ain’t gona last’, but peeps that’s where you are wrong. I got this and the way my anatomy is set up, there is nothing or no one that is stimulating my mind, body, and soul! Well I have something that can stimulate my body, but my damn mind and soul are definitely somewhat out of reach right now. I think I’m at a point where I’m just tired of the same old, same old, and I’m trying to elevate and actually make someone work for this. The temporary is just that… TEMPORARY! I’m looking for something long lasting in every which way and right now that begins with me taking care of my body. Not letting people around it that shouldn’t be there.
I looked at celibacy as something negative, but I’m up for the “challenge” and more so the journey. I’m ready to feel something new. Take sex off the table and insert me! I feel like I’m at a different time in my life and ever since turning 31, I’ve recognized that I can’t do the things that I used to do, if I want different results. What I’ve been doing really hasn’t worked out for me. I’ve been off balance and I want to center myself again and get rid of all the distractions. I’ve been selective with who I’ve let into my life in that way, but have always given these individuals a cracked door to enter whenever they felt like it and it’s timeout for that. I want to build a connection with someone and I am looking for something long lasting and fulfilling in every which way. I plan on continuing to date, but will make sure to let it be known that I am not giving any of myself without a sure thing. Speaking for myself Peeps, when it comes to sex, I don’t take that lightly. If anything, I compare it to two people vibrating on a different frequency. The passion, sensations, and intertwining of the souls, is what does it for me every time. And I can’t just keep letting someone tap into those feelings without trying to create some type of bond.
One thing that you should know about me is that when it came to certain people, my flesh was always weak. Whether it be their scent, how they walked into a room, or their physical touch… I was always leading with the flesh. My senses were always heightened, to where I couldn’t focus on conversations because I would be lusting over every part of them. I’m finding myself wanting and willing to step away from that. I don’t want it to control me anymore. I want to control it! If anything my Confidently Awkward Peeps, this is an accountability post for myself and anyone else that’s going through what I’m going through. We are in this together and I see you! You are not alone! As always be kind and gentle to yourself. Continue to know and learn your worth because you are worthy of everything you want and more. Yes, I’m celibate and proud of it. Here we go!
This is a safe, fun, and nonjudgmental space… use it for those purposes! LIKE, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE! If you would like to reach out to me, my email is theconfidentlyawkward@gmail.com. But until next time Peeps continue to be CONFIDENTLY AWKWARD… UNAPOLOGETICALLY that is!!!
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