To You!

Relationships / December 31, 2021 / 578 Comments

I wrote this at 4 in the morning…

During the month of August I took a break from social media to focus on myself and to spend time with my family. During that month I found myself talking to my dad often, whether it be meeting up for lunch or talking on the phone almost everyday. Telling my dad about my business venture, letting him know I could help with his business ventures, and mostly just checking in. Every time I would talk to him, it was “Bae let’s go for lunch” or “Bae come over, let’s get something to eat.” Without any question I was there. Maybe a week before my dad was in the hospital, we arranged to get some A and J’s. I picked it up leaving work. My dad was sitting on the steps, listening to old school music waiting for me to get there. A somber look in his eyes, like something was missing. But a happiness in his eyes upon seeing his baby girl. We ate, talked, laughed. I thought I would leave sooner, but something in me said stay. I hung out with my dad, we watched Ted, and talked about everything under the Sun. I felt like he didn’t want me to go, but I knew it was his bedtime soon so wanted to be considerate.

I bring this up to say that my memories are alive and well when it comes to my dad. August was a month of so many things for me in relation to my dad. When I watched my dad in the hospital for 2 weeks, yes I was fighting for him to be here, but was at peace in different ways that were unexplainable and only I will ever understand. My mom and dad came to me in my dreams. One night, my dad came to me and was driving, cursing about how he was just trying to get home. I laughed in the dream because this was my dad. My mom came to me another night and looked at me and smiled and gave me a big wet kiss on my face, of course I wiped it off, and looked at her. She said I was going to be okay without saying it. And on another night I got home from seeing my dad, feeling as if I would never hear is voice again, fell asleep and saw him in my dreams and he said “I’m here Bae, I’m talking to you.” This was everything I needed and more.

Through the times I got to talk to my dad, he was always talking about the family to me, so here are a few things that I remember and want to make sure I let these people know what they meant to him.

To my nieces and nephews my heart aches for you, but my heart also smiles in knowing that you got the best, raw, and real version of your Paw, nothing more, nothing less. Sylvia and Desmond, may you both always and forever remember me, you, your dad, and Pah taking that trip to Saint Cloud. Seeing both of your faces light up when y’all jumped in the truck put a smile on your Pahs face because this was the essence of what my dad was about. To Desmond, Pah was so excited to give you a $100 dollars for your birthday gift and you better believe we are going to get that to you ASAP. He was so sad that he couldn’t talk to you on your birthday “Big Boy” but he was there in spirit. To Sylvia, my dad was always tough when it came to girls or how to be as gentle as he could be, but just know that he loved you. Remember the times of going to restaurants and playing tic tac toe with him. He wouldn’t let you win and I could see in his eyes that he was testing you to make sure you were tough and didn’t cry just because you lost. To Devyn man… my little monster! Pahs eyes lit up when your dad told him that they were calling you Buddy, what an honor. To Symone your Pah was in awe by you and the sass of his granddaughter.

To my brothers, Munchie… every time I talked to dad, you were the under current of most, if damn near all of the conversations. Idk what was going on in Texas but one time talking to dad on the phone and you could hear concern in his voice, “is munchie okay, is huong okay?!”, he always wanted to make sure y’all were okay! You were his first born. Shoot you darn near are a splitting image of him, besides being light skinned. When dad would get sad, he would talk about “Munchie.” When we were in the hospital and I said Munchie’s name his blood pressure went up and you could see the excitement in his eyes. Oh how he loved you. To Tim, the middle child, maybe the favorite as well, dad had a totally different relationship with you as he saw many remnants of our mother in your personality, but he loved you no less. Any time we talked he would ask how you, Racheal, and the kids were doing. The last thing he told me was wanting you to wait on jumping the gun with your business. He was trying to find any in which way to help you figure that out and making sure you were making the best decision for you and your family.

To kei and Jalen, it was always checking on your well being and if there was anything you needed, he wanted to be right there to provide an ear. Whether it was making sure kei was on top of things or complaining about how “this girl is always looking for another job!” And to Jalen, you know the last conversation you and him had. He always wanted to make sure your head was on straight and to know that we would be there for you always.

I hope I could paint a picture for you all that up until my dads very last days, it was always about family, taking care of his kids. And although my dad had no control in that hospital bed, we, me, Tim, munchie, and Kei were surrounding him. All the things him and my mother instilled in us, we were prepared for that dad. We were there, we wouldn’t have rather been anywhere else but there. He felt our love, he felt our presence. So to Desmond, Sylvia, Devyn, Symone, to my brothers, kei, and Jalen, to all of you, my dad lived a full happy life and all of you have the memories. Hold on to those with dear life. My dad wouldn’t want you to mourn him, but celebrate him and all the many memories he gave to you. One things for sure, but two things for certain, he’s with Noonie now and there’s no other place he’d rather be!

Love you all!

578 thoughts on “To You!”

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