Vibe Check!

I was like a kid in the candy store when I logged into my computer and started searching the web. I was in need of a certain item to get the job done! No man involved, no late night booty call, and no awkward tension. I went to the Adam & Eve website and began my search. This was my first time ever doing this and had been putting it off for months. I looked to my friends for guidance on what I should be in the market for and to get a consensus on toys they had used in the past. They offered suggestions like “if you want to feel this way get this”, “if you want to feel that way, get this.” Who knew there were so many different options for products when it comes to the female anatomy?!

I continued my search. I was often entering the website and then would exit out, enter the website and then exit out. It was like I was battling myself about breaking down and buying a “toy.” All I could hear in the back of my head were my friends saying “girl this will make you not want to have sex with a man again… I mean until you get a boyfriend!” I’m all for women exploring their sexuality and “getting it in” with someone, but there comes a time when those options run out and you have to look for other means of releasing some of those everyday struggles. Once I had this self talk, I made up my mind that this was how much I was going to spend, and this is how I wanted to feel after using this toy. So I had the one item in my cart and then an ad popped up stating that I could get something for free… so I went ahead and added that to my cart. To be honest I was more excited about the free item than my actual item. I checked out, paid for my item, and went about my day.

The next day I couldn’t stop checking my email to see when my items would be shipped. I was obsessing about it like the package was going to be here tomorrow. But nope, it said “still processing.” I was like what am I going to do now? I ended up sending my friends screenshots of what I got and I was hit with excitement, shock and a look of FINALLY!!! I had to chuckle at all the responses because they were definitely right. So days were going by and finally I got the message that my items were shipped and I receives estimated times of arrivals. When I tell you I was checking USPS everyday, I was checking EVERYDAY!!! And in between that time I was struggling. Going to bed frustrated, trying not to create scenarios in my mind, and basically trying to wait it out. It was so HARD.

A week went by and then two weeks went by. I was like where the hell is my package?! I called customer service and got this sweet lady on the phone and in her country accent, she said “Hun, just wait until Monday, sometimes packages show up late. If you don’t get it on Monday, give us a call and we will reship it to you.” I thanked her for the information and got off the phone. But to be honest y’all, I was on some “it’s my toy, and I need it NOW!” I carried on with the day and patiently waited. Monday came and went… nothing! So I called customer service on Tuesday and got a guy on the phone. I let him know about my package and he said he would send another one right out and I would get by Friday. I was happy that he was able to do this, but pissed I had to wait about three more days. But guess what happened my Confidently Awkward Peeps? I finally got my package on that same day. I wasn’t going to call them back and let them know and my friends said it’s always good to have a back up! Now here is where the fun begins… stay with me.

So the first night of having my toy, I was too damn tired to use it, so I opted for the next night. I was so confused and awkward with it. There were 20 different settings on this thing. So as I’m using it, I’m counting… “okay this is setting one, nope don’t like that! Oh here’s setting 10, okay I really like that!” Then I’m like, do I watch something as I use this?! If you didn’t know already, I’m an over thinker. It takes a little time for me to fully relax. I was all over the place. So I finally found my rhythm, but it wasn’t everything that I thought it could be and how my friends hyped it up to be. But one thing I will say, I was super concerned about my reaction to it all… fuck it, I was scared! I thought I was going to be too loud and the neighbors would hear me. I didn’t use this toy to it’s fullest potential. After about 20 minutes I was done and ready for bed. That was enough for one night!

The next night I contemplated doing it again, but then opted out. Another day I was just too tired to do anything. The next week I finally decided to give it another go. This time I tried not to watch anything and explore my body a little more. I changed positions to see if it would work… nothing. I started to fantasize about someone… I kind of got there. I tried different settings and finally settled on one rhythm and it turned out to be just what I was looking for, but man was it a chore. It gave what it needed to give and that was all that mattered in that moment. I would say it was a success, but I still have some more exploring to do!

Wow! I definitely took you all on a journey with me today. I was so back and forth about posting this topic, but y’all my friends and I’m sure some of you all can relate in some way. I’m new to this whole toy game, so I have so much more to learn. But one thing I’m not going to lie to my Peeps about is the fact that I honestly prefer the real thing. Nothing against the toy game, but there’s just something about skin to skin that you can’t replicate or duplicate. By all means go get you a toy and explore your body. Hopefully y’all will get it sooner than I got it! Please wish me luck on this journey because man I’m still scared of this damn toy, but I’m going to embrace it sooner or later! If you have any tips or tricks, please don’t hesitate to reach out because I need it!

This is a safe, fun, and nonjudgmental space… use it for those purposes! LIKE, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE! If you would like to reach out to me, my email is theconfidentlyawkward@gmail.com. But until next time Peeps continue to be CONFIDENTLY AWKWARD… UNAPOLOGETICALLY that is!!!