If you know me, you know I am the queen of useless facts. So let’s start this off with a fun little historical fact: The very first presumed dick pic was actually a Roman mosaic from the second century found in a men’s latrine in Turkey. (Yep, you read that right. The first dick pic of all mankind was discovered in a dirty men’s bathroom. Given what I know about men, it checks out, but also….Eww, David.)
Anyways, let’s bring it back. To me, that fun little historical fact is definitive proof that men have been obsessed with their dicks for a long, LONG time. So now, here we are centuries later in the golden age of the internet, and dick pics are legitimately everywhere…and still just as disgusting as that very first dick pic from the men’s bathroom centuries ago.
Before I jump into my own personal theories about why men send dick pics, let me just take a moment to acknowledge this: I’m maybe not the best person to take a deep dive into the psyche of men. If I could understand why men do the things that they do, I probably wouldn’t be a single woman in her thirties who cares more about finding the best vibrator than finding the best man. But in my opinion, my decades of painstaking personal research have not gone to waste so let’s break it down.
Why do men send dick pics? Besides the fact that a ridiculous number of men are unjustifiably cocky as hell about their dicks (yes, pun-intended!), men are also visual creatures who would kill for some nudes from a woman they’re interested in. I’ll show you mine if you show me yours, right? Yeah, no. Spoiler alert: I’m more likely to show you mine if you don’t show me yours. Given that most men won’t be learning that lesson anytime soon though, I’m here to present you with the tips and tricks of taking the best dick pic for your not-so-lucky lady.
But hey, before we dig much deeper into what makes a good dick pic, I think it’s important that we drop some ground rules. And the ground rules are:
1. Get consent.
That’s it. That’s all. That’s the only rule. Somehow, many men still don’t follow it. Y’all want to know what an unsolicited dick pic does for women? Absolutely nothing. Consent is sexy. And given that unsolicited dick pics aren’t consensual, they’re definitely not sexy. So to all the people with penises out there: If we don’t ask to see your dick, don’t show us your dick. Simple as that.
Unfortunately, as nearly all women know, solicited and consensual dick pics make up about 1% of all the dick pics we receive. Regardless, I think the 1% deserve a fighting chance. Who doesn’t love an underdog? In the paraphrased words of Tyra, “We’re rooting for you, we’re all rooting for you!”
To the one-percenters out there, the advice is simple: Good lighting, decent angles, a little bit of grooming, and a clean background can go a long way. Oh, and for the love of God, please make sure your dick isn’t flaccid (Why? why do I even need to say this? Y’all don’t even want to know.) Are you insecure about your dick? Is the head too big? The shaft too curved? The whole thing a little too veiny? Don’t even worry about it. We literally don’t care, and if we do, it’s likely because we’re excited to see something different and unique anyway!
Oh, and to the women reading this, be warned. Although I stand by these tips and tricks because they often lead to some very artistic and beautiful dick pics, they can also lead to some extremely misleading ones too. For example, about a year ago, I met a guy online who was a former cinematographer. So trust me when I say, he had all the tips and tricks down. Lighting? Check. Angles? Check. Decent grooming? Check. Clean background? Check. And check it out, he wasn’t even flaccid! Swoon! Who was this man? Had I finally found my soulmate (…or at the very least, my dickmate)? HELL NO. Because when I finally saw it in person, all I could think was “Can someone please get Nev and Kamie up in here because my dumbass has been CATFISHED.” Nevertheless, it was all consensual so I’m not even mad about it. Plus, it wasn’t totally his fault, that iPhone camera is a miracle worker.
Anyways, too sum it all up, regardless of how I feel about them personally, dick pics are here to stay. Let’s just keep them consensual and classy so we can make the whole experience a little more enjoyable for all involved. Okay, men? When you think about it, it’s not really that hard, is it? 😉
This is a safe, fun, and nonjudgmental space… use it for those purposes! LIKE, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE, and SHARE! If you would like to reach out, email theconfidentlyawkward@gmail.com. But until next time peeps continue to be CONFIDENTLY AWKWARD!
317056 161641Typically the New york Weight Loss diet is surely less expensive and flexible staying on your diet scheme intended for measures even so quickly then duty keep a nutritious day-to-day life. weight loss 338553
506149 480041I like your writing style actually loving this internet website . 306438
904592 828576You must join in a contest 1st of the greatest blogs on the web. I will recommend this internet web site! 509992
163592 934435As far as me being a member here, I wasnt aware that I was a member for any days, actually. When the article was published I received a notification, so that I could participate inside the discussion of the post, That would explain me stumbuling upon this post. But were undoubtedly all members inside the world of concepts. 651245
281729 210699baby strollers with high traction rollers need to be much safer to use compared to those with plastic wheels- 662009
944158 881776Average In turn sends provides may be the frequent systems that offer the opportunity for ones how does a person pick-up biological, overdue drivers, what one mechanically increases the business. Search Engine Marketing 806847
29084 403842Hi there, just became aware of your blog by means of Google, and found that its truly informative. Ill be grateful if you continue this in future. Lots of individuals will benefit from your writing. Cheers! 59165
36008 387961I simply could not go away your website prior to suggesting that I in fact enjoyed the normal information an individual supply to your visitors? Is gonna be once again continuously so that you can look at new posts 959282
110478 202897Any person several opportune pieces, it comes surely, as well as you bring in crave of various the a lot of other types of hikers close to you with hard part your question. pre owned awnings 928900
476725 586498I adore foregathering beneficial info, this post has got me even more information! . 785628
879589 536466This will be a great web internet site, will you be involved in doing an interview regarding how you developed it? If so e-mail me! 606200
612748 821270I think one of your advertisements caused my web browser to resize, you may well want to put that on your blacklist. 627749
87632 750247I like this web site very considerably, Its a rattling good location to read and get information . 390436
663480 750543Can I just now say that of a relief to locate somebody who truly knows what theyre speaking about online. You actually know how to bring a difficulty to light and function out it crucial. The diet want to see this and appreciate this side on the story. I cant believe youre no far more popular since you definitely possess the gift. 175761
929810 273615Some truly fantastic content material on this web site , thankyou for contribution. 151368
800870 202239Hey, you used to write great, but the last several posts have been kinda boring I miss your tremendous writings. Past few posts are just a bit bit out of track! come on! 492245
260876 130002Discovered your weblog and decided to have a study on it, not what I usually do, but this weblog is wonderful. Awesome to see a site thats not spammed, and really makes some sense. Anyway, wonderful write up. 432477
910210 295003Now we know who the ssebnile 1 is here. Wonderful post! 84571
36645 462625Thank you for your very good details and feedback from you. san jose used car 734833
599412 427585Black Ops Zombies […]some individuals still have not played this game. It is hard to envision or believe, but yes, some individuals are missing out on all with the enjoyable.[…] 709932
737954 960601My brother suggested I would possibly like this blog. He was once entirely right. This submit actually produced my day. You cant believe just how so significantly time I had spent for this info! Thank you! 612258
207703 642035Whoah this blog is magnificent i truly like reading your articles. Maintain up the excellent paintings! You realize, plenty of persons are looking round for this information, you can aid them greatly. 495650
340807 763559Very nicely written story. It will be valuable to anyone who usess it, including yours truly . Maintain up the very good work – canr wait to read far more posts. 297668
495075 568736Woh I enjoy your content , saved to favorites ! . 764493
355272 379669Thanks for helping out, superb info . 571409
899588 963247Discover out these pointers read on and learn to know how to submit an application performing this which you policy your corporation today. alertpay 905932
419605 581422i was just surfing along and came upon your weblog. just wanted to say good job and this post genuinely helped me. 244760
215554 648200Hey, you used to write amazing, but the last couple of posts have been kinda boringK I miss your super writings. Past several posts are just a little bit out of track! come on! 41912
940532 406610I enjoy your composing design, do carry on creating! I will likely be back! 272929
598669 890253I discovered your blog site internet internet site on the internet and appearance some of your early posts. Continue to maintain inside the fantastic operate. I just now additional increase your Rss to my MSN News Reader. Seeking toward reading far a lot more from you finding out at a later date! 492772
435646 534486This is a good blog i need to say, generally i don????t post comments on other people???? blogs but would like to say that this post truly forced me to do so! 328185
507582 864092Wonderful beat ! I wish to apprentice although you amend your web site, how can i subscribe for a blog site? The account aided me a appropriate deal. I had been a bit bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear notion 910216
759303 244495Excellent weblog here! Additionally your site rather a great deal up quick! What host are you the usage of? Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my web site loaded up as fast as yours lol 402254
91729 355975Rattling clean internet website , thanks for this post. 26990
417307 952528Depending on yourself to make the decisions can actually be upsetting and frustrating. It takes years to build confidence. Frankly it takes far more than just happening to happen. 701579
395968 130155I discovered your blog website on google and check just a few of your early posts. Proceed to maintain up the exceptional operate. I just extra up your RSS feed to my MSN Information Reader. Seeking forward to reading far more from you in a although! 229407
971470 140668But wanna say that this is really useful , Thanks for taking your time to write this. 496215
738026 166397An attention-grabbing dialogue is value comment. Im confident that its greater to write on this subject, towards the often be a taboo subject but typically persons are not sufficient to speak on such topics. To one more location. Cheers 865438
83649 465017Today, I went to the beach front with my children. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is completely off topic but I had to tell someone! 388464
475324 305081Your writing style has been surprised me. Thank you, quite great post. 496630
142399 139479How a lot of an significant content material, keep on penning significant other 404847
389863 421775An interesting discussion is worth comment. I think which you require to write much more on this matter, it may possibly not be a taboo subject but generally individuals are not enough to speak on such topics. Towards the next. Cheers 863244
823077 212817Thank you a lot for giving everyone an extraordinarily particular possiblity to check ideas from here. 830899
457276 841499This sounds in a way inflammatory pending mecant wait for thisthank you! 680884
57419 3655 There is noticeably a bundle to know about this. I assume you made certain nice points in capabilities also. 999574
936401 201435Very clean website , thanks for this post. 205553
63862 774087This kind of lovely weblog youve, glad I discovered it!?? 248613
17678 615888Glad to be one of the visitors on this awe inspiring web website : D. 193805
67154 428661Just a smiling visitant here to share the enjoy (:, btw outstanding pattern . 65036
823437 237189Thanks for the info provided! I was researching for this article for a long time, but I was not able to see a dependable source. 309306
Dank Gummies sour gummy worms
Ketamine Vloeibare powder
I do not even know how I stopped up right here, however I thought this submit was great. I don’t recognize who you are but definitely you are going to a famous blogger if you happen to aren’t already 😉 Cheers!
I have been examinating out some of your articles and i can claim clever stuff. I will definitely bookmark your blog.